The Feel of Salvation

I am a small person against the backdrop of this universe

I crush up my cruel thoughts and feed them to my cruel sins

I am small and in-between the cracks of what this is and what that will be

The ground has hardness to it, when I take my small steps

            I crush the ground as I crawl along, unable to sneak up

                        Unable to sliver silently by with my crushed thoughts and cruel sins

I spread it all out on this ground and grind it up to show I have a hard heart

I given what I’ve got

            I’ve gotten so small; I’ve forgotten how to stand

Seeing myself near the pavement, pressing against the cool night concrete

I remind myself, man made this

            It’s hardness, its nowhere-ness,

It’s cruelly cut through the natural world to bring us to more man made stuff

I sprawl out and weep, I cry, I pray

            Well, I wish this humanness in me would just leap out and run

                        Pound itself against the pavement

                                    Run hard and fast, furiously away with my cruelness,

Crushing out my sin

I am only this small person

I am staring straight up on the dark street,
Forgetting that the street light still shines on me

Forgetting blood seeps into everything,

It seeped in before I crammed myself into the cracks

            Blood had drenched me long before what any of this is

And what any of this will be

Pressing my arms out, I grope the ground for leverage

And find the serenity of soft flesh, strong and un-remorseful

Without my efforts I feel lifted and tilted forward.

I dared not look, I might evaporate

I dare not speak, I might scream out

I finally stood, on his playing ground

He stepped back, and hurled his strength at me

I thought I’d feel bruised, punished, banished

But I looked hard at the ground

I saw nothing but the blood, its might crushed hard against the cruel thoughts

The cruel sin that had pull so hard at my shaking hands

It seeped away into nothingness

He spoke, so softly

            “I did this for you long before this road was poured.”

                        “Now walk, child, and lay in this place no more.”